Why Hello!

Well I decided to send an update, since I seem to do that about once a year! I promise, I am going to try to get better at this blogging stuff. I don't even think anyone follows the blog or not. However, we have had a lot of things happen to us over the past year and I am going to be using this blog to update friends and family, share my thoughts (to any of you who care to listen), and just ramble on! So, here it goes!

Where to begin? As most of you are aware of, we have been trying to grow our family for the past year. We started trying in June of 2009 and got pregnant that month! We were of course, very shocked to get pregnant so quickly. After the initial shock went away, we were very excited! It was a very painful and scary experience to miscarry for the first time. So many emotions and questions seemed to flood my mind. I remember lying in the ER room and just confused and scared and thinking that it was not suppose to end this way. While I was at the ER, I actually had not yet miscarried, but I knew it was not going to end good. The nurse, was so sweet and she told me she has had multiple miscarriages. I saw tears in her eyes as she cared for me, and right then and there I knew that this little baby was not going to make it to term. Baby McGuire #1 went to be with God on July 29, 2009. I clung to my faith and hope and that God as in control and that we were going to get through this. As they say, this too shall pass.

So, we waited a few months and started to try again in October of 2009. And as luck would have it, we got pregnant that month. Scared and excited we immediately got in to my doctor to make sure everything was okay. At first, everything looked fine, of course I was only 6 weeks along, so there wasn't much to see. So, I went back in to the doctor one week later and there was no progress and no heartbeat. I went to a few more ultrasounds within that week and the next and still no progress; no growth, no heartbeat. This time we had what as called a 'missed miscarriage', where my body wasn't recognizing that I was miscarrying. So, after 2 weeks of nothing, we decided to do a d&c. With Christmas coming up, I just wanted to move on (as much as one can) and not have to deal with the physical pain of the miscarriage while traveling. The d&c really took a toll on me emotionally. It took me a good month or so to feel 'normal' again after that. I can't explain the feeling, but if you have been there, then I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about. Baby McGuire #2 went to be with God on December 17, 2009. This time around, my faith and hope was still there, but I had a lot of anger and a lot of unanswered questions. Some days were good, others were not. I got angry at every pregnant person I saw. I as so sad, hurt, depressed, and anxious. I just kept real busy and tried to keep my mind off of everything.

During this time, I started attending a Miscarriage and Infant Loss Support Group at my church. Which I am SO blessed for. I have met a group of ladies who have been or are going through the same things as myself. It has been a safe haven and I praise God for putting all those girls in my life!

That now brings us to this year, 2010. Our plan was to wait till about Summer time to start trying again. In the meantime, my doctor wanted to run some blood work on my progesterone levels since they were somewhat low with our second pregnancy. So, I went in on April 20th for some blood work. I had my annual appointment scheduled for May 4th, so we were just going to discuss my blood results then. And of course, as luck would have it, we ended up getting pregnant again in April. So, when I went in for my annual, I informed my doctor that we just found out we were pregnant again. Since I was VERY early along, just about 4 weeks, she did not want to do an ultrasound because it would have been too early to see anything. But, they did run blood work. The next day, the doctor's office called around 1 p.m. to let me know that my progesterone was VERY low and if there was any chance for this pregnancy being viable, that I needed to get on some progesterone supplements immediately. They called in my prescription and told me to start taking two a day starting that evening. About 3 p.m. that day, I was sitting at my desk at work and knew something wasn't right. I went to the bathroom, and realized I was miscarrying...again. I left work and came home and ended up having to go to the ER later that night. Baby McGuire #3 went up to be with God on May 5, 2010. Physically this miscarriage was the easiest because we were so early along. Emotionally it also seemed to be easier; which is sad to say. I think that is because I did not let myself get excited when I saw the positive pregnancy test this time around. It's a sad time when something that is suppose to be such an exciting time in your life, is one filled with doubt and anxiety. God did fill me with a sense of peace and calmness, something only He can give in such a time.

This now leads us to going to see a specialist. We will be going to Dr. La Tasha Craig at OU Medial Center. Our first appointment is July 16th. We are excited and scared about this next step. Hopefully, they can pinpoint what our problem is.

So, I will use this blog to keep everyone updated! Please pray for Andrew and I and our future family. We are hopeful (yet scared) and are putting all our hopes (and fears) in God and know that it is all in His hands. I have learned that no matter what, we are NOT in control and that we have to put our faith in Him because there is no humanly way that we could bare all this on our own.